


Kahrashi the Lustful

by Slow_Burn_Sally



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Emotional vampirism, First Time Blow Jobs, Halloween Costumes, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Murder, Nandor is hung, and in a sparkly mask, c'mon they're vampires, cos play of an ancient Al Quolanudarian firtility sprites, halloween party, humor?, yeah i know its june whatever i hate summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:07:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24815824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slow_Burn_Sally/pseuds/Slow_Burn_Sally
Summary: I wrote another Nandermo fic. I love them. It's like a crack ship that's also very hot and relatable. This is mostly a smutty one shot with cameos by the rest of the housemates.Hope you enjoy :)
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 140





	Kahrashi the Lustful

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote another Nandermo fic. I love them. It's like a crack ship that's also very hot and relatable. This is mostly a smutty one shot with cameos by the rest of the housemates. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

The vampires were going to a Halloween party. One of Colin Robinson’s coworkers had invited him and “any friends he wanted to bring with,” to what promised to be a pretty big (and hopefully very cool) bash at a large McMansion in one of the nicer parts of Staten Island. 

There was a lot of hubbub over who would dress as what. Nadja wanted to go as a “sexy nurse”, so she headed to the hospital and sucked the life out of a nurse that looked about her size. She paired the woman’s now blood spattered scrubs with red high heels and even more make up than usual and called it a day. Laszlo said she looked “ravishing” but Guillermo secretly thought she looked a little ridiculous...and of course, mcabre, what with the liberal splashings of nurse blood and all.

Laszlo decided to go as Napoleon Bonaparte. He went full bore and bought an entire getup, including a jacket with epaulettes and a bicorn hat, the whole nine yards. 

Nandor was strangely closed-mouthed about his costume. He kept saying it would be a “secret surprise,” while making very significant waggling motions with his eyebrows in a clear attempt to kick up some controversy, but of course no one noticed or cared. Except for Guillermo. He always cared about what Nandor did.

Colin Robinson was going as Fabio. He bought a long, blond wig and put on a billowy white shirt that laced up the front and hung mostly open (revealing far too much of his pasty white chest and belly). He finished off his look with indecently tight pleather pants and a pair of kneehigh boots with buttons up the sides. He ended up looking like a retired elementary school librarian who’d become a gogo dancer in a not particularly picky gay bar. Regardless of the silliness of his outfit, the whole thing was really just used as bait to lure people into exceedingly dull and draining conversations about things like property taxes.

To his surprise and delight, they invited Guillermo as well (probably just so he could trail around after Nandor all night and push virgins in his general direction or fix his costume - whatever it happened to be- when it invariably started to fall apart). After a lot of deliberation (meaning instantly), he decided to go as a vampire. Yes, he knew it wasn’t subtle. He’d only been hinting at wanting to be turned into a vampire by Nandor for a decade now, but above and beyond his wish to be turned, he’d always adored vampire cosplay, and this was the perfect opportunity to strut his stuff. 

Guillermo rarely got invited to go out with the vampires when they hit the town, which was actually a good thing, as it usually involved them draining humans of all their blood, quarrelling and stirring up drama with werewolves and other creatures of the night. But tonight, they would probably be on their best behavior. This didn’t mean they wouldn’t kill anyone. They almost always killed _someone_. It just meant they’d be forced to do so more subtly out of necessity. They’d be in a big house full of partying humans, and this would allow Guillermo to maybe relax, have a couple of drinks and just possibly have a good time. 

Maybe he’d meet someone and finally be able to ditch this all consuming crush he’d had on Nandor for the past decade of his life. It was unlikely though. Why would he crush on some boring, normal human, when he spent his whole day fulfilling the every whim of a stunningly handsome six foot tall vampire with raven black hair and ivory skin and dark, smoldering eyes? Nandor, in his brocade waistcoats and gold embroidered capes, with his sharp fangs, and his smoking hot body (Guillermo had never seen his master naked, but he just _knew_ Nandor was rocking some cut abs under those velveteen tunics he wore) was everything Guillermo had ever dreamed of having in a romantic partner. And it wasn’t just his looks. Guillermo adored Nandor’s sly sense of humor and his cocky attitude, and the way he knew so much about ancient middle eastern history. 

So yeah, dating some random human didn’t hold a lot of appeal when compared to the prospect of one day becoming Nandor’s vampire boyfriend. Guillermo fantasized relentlessly about the two of them cruising the night sky together, hunting victims and laughing and kissing in all sorts of romantic locations around Staten Island. One day, he just knew his dreams would be made a reality. And that reality could only be moved along by him dressing as a vampire for this halloween party. When Nandor saw how fantastic, how _natural_ Guillermo looked, decked out in his cape and fangs, he’d surely be compelled to turn him...wouldn’t he? 

Regardless, Guillermo would look fabulous. In the weeks leading up to the party, he spent quite a lot of time, money and energy in making his costume perfect. He found black velvet pants and a woman’s plus size ruffly white shirt with puffy sleeves at the local Salvation Army. One of the virgins the vampires had eaten a month ago had been a chubby goth kid in his late twenties that Guillermo had met at Hot Topic. The boy (Justin? Or was it Travis) had been wearing a very cool black vest with a double row of gold buttons down the front of it and Guillermo thought it went really well with the fluffy shirt and velvet pants. 

The cape he made all by himself, using an ancient sewing machine he found in a back room at the house. There was a set of black velvet drapes that Laszlo had spilled blood on a few months ago that Nadja had declared completely ruined. Rather than throw them out with the trash as she’d insisted, Guillermo had carefully washed them off and hid the material away in his tiny room for future use. He lined the cape with red rayon from four different cheap devil costumes he bought at the local pop up Halloween shop at a nearby strip mall. The cape turned out pretty darn cool if he did say so himself. Maybe not Interview with a Vampire cool, but it still looked awesome. 

The night of the party, he spent almost two hours painstakingly getting dressed and putting on white face paint, and used a Youtube tutorial to make sure his eye make up was as close to perfect as he could get it. He’d honestly expected Nandor to interrupt him every five minutes with some chore or another, but Nandor had been strangely absent all evening. In fact, when Guillermo, Nadja and Laszlo gathered in the foyer, preparing to head out to the party, Nandor was nowhere to be found. 

“I don’t get it,” Nadja said, absently straightening her blood stained nurse’s scrubs. “He was here a minute ago...wasn’t he darling?” She elbowed Laszlo who was dusting off his epaulettes and hiking up a pair of tight silk breeches that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. 

“Yes my dumpling, he was. I distinctly remember him hogging the lavatory at around six o’clock when I wanted to get my sculpting paste. It was quite irritating. Now my hair doesn’t look nearly as Napoleonic as I wanted it to.” Laszlo pouted as he continued fussing with his jacket. 

“Well, wherever he is, I hope he has directions to the party because _I_ am not waiting for him!” Nadja exclaimed as she headed for the door.

“I’ll wait for him,” said Guillermo, but Nadja only shot him an irritated look.

“Oh Guillermo! Grow a pair already!” she snapped. “You don’t have to always traipse after Nandor and bend to his every whim! What are you anyway? His serf?”

Guillermo wanted to reply that yes, that’s exactly what he was, but by this point, Nadja had already left the house, so Guillermo fell in line behind Laszlo and followed her. 

Once they stepped out onto the front lawn, Nadja and Laszlo turned into bats and flew off, while Guillermo got out his phone to track the progress of the Uber he’d requested ten minutes ago. As he waited on the sidewalk outside the vampire’s residence, he wondered where his master had gone, and hoped he wasn’t in any trouble. Nandor had a reckless streak and seemed to love making Guillermo worry about him. 

The Uber pulled up and Guillermo got inside, practically vibrating with excitement about the party. Luckily, he didn’t have to carpool with Colin Robinson, who’d gone three hours early to ‘help the host and hostess set up,’ which was really just code for ‘try to drain as many people as possible with long speeches about the historical significance of crepe paper and glitter.’

Soon the car pulled up outside of the party and Guillermo departed, thanking the Uber driver, (who’d been really nice and had complimented Guillermo on how good his costume looked). He felt strange without Nandor standing next to him. Over the years, he’d spent so much time in Nandor’s company that he’d grown accustomed to having the large vampire lurking at his side like a wall of black velveteen, and his absence made Guillermo feel smaller and more vulnerable than usual. 

Still, the party was in full swing and looked like a promising place to have a good time. Pumping music throbbed from inside and flashing blue, red and purple lights from a swirling, electronic disco ball (probably purchased at a Spencers Gifts ten years ago) cast shifting, multicolored shadows across the walls. Guillermo walked through the front door, feeling a small spike of social anxiety as he stepped into the bustling crowds of drunk humans, dressed as bumble bees and superheroes and sexy versions of nurses (that were _not_ splattered in nurse blood), devils, cowgirls, and nuns. Guillermo made a mental note to keep Nandor away from the sexy nuns, because they were all wearing plastic crucifixes. 

Speaking of Nandor...he had still not made an appearance, and Guillermo was growing more anxious that maybe he’d bailed on coming, or worse, that he was in some sort of a pickle that Guillermo would then have to go help rescue him from. He’d been planning this evening for a long time, working on his costume and looking forward to Nandor’s reaction to it, ever since Colin had informed them all that they were invited. It would be a real let down if Nandor didn’t even show up. 

Guillermo wandered over to the snack table and made himself a rum and coke and munched on some cheese doodles while he surveyed the crowd. He could just see Colin Robinson in the kitchen, talking away while a small group of now very gray and listless looking humans struggled to stay awake as they listened to him go on and on about something very dull. Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot was on the sound system and several people were dancing, somewhat clumsily but with admirable enthusiasm in the living room. Aladdin was making out with Sailor Moon in the stairwell and Indiana Jones was having a very loud, drunk conversation about food delivery apps with Hillary Clinton near where Guillermo was standing. Everyone appeared to be very inebriated and having a good time. He sipped his rum and coke and ate a deviled egg with little black olive slices for eyes and pimento bits as fangs on it and tried to get into the mood of the party. 

The door opened again behind Guillermo and he turned to see who had just showed up and felt his breath catch in his throat as his eyes fell on the tall figure that now stood, taking up most of the space inside the doorway. 

Guillermo’s stunned brain became aware of several things in rapid succession as his eyes soaked in the sight of the new party guest. Firstly, it was very clearly Nandor. Secondly, he was wearing a very flamboyant mardi gras mask, in the shape of a butterfly with eye holes cut out of the wings. The mask was covered in blue and purple sequins and it obscured the entirety of the upper part of Nandor’s face, leaving only his mouth visible. Thirdly, he was dressed in a pair of very small black bicycle shorts (and nothing else), and if Guillermo had thought Laszlo’s Napoleon breeches were revealing, they didn’t hold a candle to Nandor’s shorts. Nandor had clearly spent a lot of time in the bathroom using Nadja’s spiral curling iron for his hair fell in long, black ripples around his bare shoulders. His only other article of clothing was (of course) a cape of black velvet with a deep purple velvet lining. It swirled around his muscular calves in the breeze from the still open front door.

Guillermo had never seen Nandor’s naked torso before, and now he found himself gripping the corner of the snack table in an attempt to remain standing, as his knees buckled and threatened to give out underneath him. His eyes roamed hungrily over Nandor’s muscular chest and stomach, with its fine dusting of dark hair which did nothing to hide the very _very_ cut pectoral and abdominal muscles underneath. He had no idea who Nandor was supposed to be in this getup, but he didn’t really care. 

Nandor paused in the doorway, allowing everyone who stood nearby to enjoy the sight of his half naked body, and then sauntered into the house as if he owned the place. Guillermo longed to rush over to him to see if there was anything Nandor might want or need, or just...you know...to get closer to him, but his feet were rooted to the spot, his eyes glued to his master’s handsome face and bare chest. Nandor circulated aimlessly among the loud, drunk humans, looking a little confused until he spotted Nadja and Laszlo and walked over to them. Guillermo edged closer so he could overhear what was being said without being too obvious about it. 

“Hello strangers whom I have never met before!” bellowed Nandor in a friendly manner, slapping Laszlo on the back as he did so. 

“Don’t be a twat Nandor, we know it’s you,” Nadja said, though Guillermo could see her giving Nandor’s body a subtle once over with appreciative eyes. 

“Who is this Nan-door you speak of?” asked Nandor, looking affronted and flipping his cape away from his shoulders with a dramatic flourish of his arms. “I am not Nandor! I am Kahrashi the Lustful! The elusive fairy sprite of fertility! He haunted the dunes surrounding the beautiful land of Al Quolanudar many hundreds of years ago, impregnating unsuspecting maidens and buggering young men under cover of darkness!” This was all said while Nandor struck a pose with his hip jutting out and his head held at an imperious angle.

“And here I thought you were dressed like a stripper,” this from Laszlo, who along with Nadja were executing eye rolls of epic proportions. 

“So you decided to go to a Halloween party dressed as a twelfth century sexual predator?” Nadja asked skeptically.

“Kahrashi- I mean _I_ am not a predator!” Nandor was clearly shocked and insulted at their assumptions. “I, the mysterious sprite of fertility was simply used as a cover story to excuse many premarital trysts as well as rendezvous of a homosexual nature. You know...back when that sort of thing was really not OK. If you got knocked up by your boyfriend, or you fancied a roll in the hay with someone of the same sex, you simply claimed that Kahrashi the Lustful had done it!”

Laszlo and Nadja shrugged, but also nodded in understanding. Such mythical beings, ones that served as useful scapegoats to blame inappropriate sexual adventures on, were common in their people’s folklore as well. In fact, for a brief period during the sixteenth century, Laszlo himself had been one such scapegoat. He’d had sex with so many milkmaids and housewives that a local legend had sprung up about him being a mysterious and dastardly “Penis Demon” who haunted the local villages at night. Many a young lad or lass who had rolled in the hay with the wrong person used the Penis Demon as a good cover story for several centuries following Laszlo’s wild times. And so what if Nandor wanted to play pretend for the evening? Everyone deserved to have fun every now and then. 

“Alright then,” sighed Nadja. “Welcome to our bacchanalia oh great and mysterious Kahrashi the Lustful.” 

“Yes, live it up chap,” said Laszlo with a conspiratorial chuckle. “I think Guillermo is around here somewhere. I’m sure he can find you some virgins to despoil.” 

Nandor seemed happy that his housemates were playing along, and looked around at the crowds of people. His eyes landed on Guillermo and his face split into a pointy grin. “Guillermo!” he exclaimed, but then seeming to remember that he was deep into a very dedicated centuries old rp game of his own devising and swept over to Guillermo, cape swirling. “Random stranger!” he said, and Guillermo fought the urge to roll his eyes like Laszlo and Nadja had done. “Although we have never met before, I believe you will do as my companion on a journey to find some fresh virgins for the mysterious Kahrashi to devirginize!” 

Nandor’s eyes roamed up and down Guillermo’s body in a particularly lascivious manner as he spoke, and Guillermo felt warm all of a sudden. “Yes master,” he replied dutifully. He supposed finding virgins for Nandor to drain was par for the course on any night he spent out with the vampires. And perhaps he was imagining the steamy look?

“Who is this master you speak of? I am not your master!” Nandor was apparently very dedicated to his medieval cosplay tonight. “You must call me Kahrashi the Lustful!”

“Yes Kahrashi the Lustful,” said Guillermo with as much gravity as he could muster while attempting to smother a giggle. Nandor grabbed Guillermo by the hand and strode off toward the makeshift bar that had been set up near the livingroom-turned-dancefloor, pulling Guillermo along in his wake. 

Soon, they were standing side by side, still holding hands (Guillermo noted happily) while looking at a crowd of boisterous humans that were elbowing each other in their eagerness to make mixed drinks in red plastic cups or grab beers out of the several large coolers that lined the walls nearby. 

“This party is a little too cool I think, random stranger,” Nandor remarked, leaning down so that Guillermo could hear him. “None of these people look like virgins.” 

“I think you might be right mast-Kahrashi,” Guillermo said (correcting himself at the last second). The other party guests were dressed really fancy and looked like they spent six out of seven days a week at the gym. In addition to this, lots of people were grinding up on each other on the dance floor and making out. If they _were_ virgins, they weren’t likely to remain that way for much longer. “You can call me Guillermo,” he added, deciding to lean into Nandor’s little act. Why not? It was kind of fun. Pretending Nandor wasn’t Nandor. That Guillermo wasn’t his familiar. He couldn’t help but feel a small thrill of excitement at the implications of their change up of roles. 

“Gee- _yehr_ -mow,” sounded out Nandor slowly, pretending to not know how to pronounce his familiar’s name in a way that should have come off as cringe-worthy but which Guillermo found somehow ridiculously adorable. “That is an interesting name,” he said, “where are you from?”

“My family is from Mexico,” Guillermo replied, and honestly, Nandor took such a limited interest in Guillermo’s private life that he could really genuinely not know where Guillermo was from. 

“Ah. Mexico. I love their burritos.”

Guillermo let that predictably racist comment go and changed the subject. “And you….Kahrashi the Lustful? What are your plans for this evening?” He felt it only appropriate to keep Nandor’s little game going. It was all part of the job of being a good familiar wasn’t it? Going along with Nandor’s crazy ideas. 

“Well, I…” and here Nandor paused and seemed to notice for the first time what Guillermo was wearing. “Guillermo!” he exclaimed. “You are looking….quite….how do I put this? You look quite _sexy_ this evening.” 

Guillermo felt himself go hot from the pit of his stomach up to the top of his head. “I’m sorry master? I mean Kahrashi? What was that?” He asked, wanting to make sure he’d heard Nandor correctly. I mean, it _was_ very loud at the party.

“I said,” Nandor was now looming over Guillermo, staring down into his eyes through the holes in the mask with burning intensity, “that you look very _sexy_ tonight. Are you… wearing eye makeup?”

“Oh yes, I am,” said Guillermo, beyond pleased that his master had noticed. “I watched this really cool Youtube tutorial about eyeliner and it-”

“Let us go somewhere private for a little while,” cut in Nandor, sounding gruff and husky all of a sudden. 

“Ok!” squeaked Guillermo, his pulse racing. Why would Nandor want to be alone with him? His mind could only supply good reasons. Maybe the sight of Guillermo decked out like a vampire had finally convinced Nandor that Guillermo deserved to be turned? Maybe tonight was the night it finally happened! Or maybe...Nandor wanted something else from Guillermo? Guillermo’s head spun with possibilities as he followed Nandor down a hallway and into a dimly lit room that appeared to contain a washer and dryer and a shelf piled with boxes of tea and cans of soup. Nandor shut the door behind them and locked it, and Guillermo’s breath quickened and his throat went dry at the sound of the lock clicking into place. 

“There, now we are alone and no one can interrupt us, stranger Guillermo,” Nandor said, and Guillermo swallowed audibly. Nandor slunk over to him and crowded him up against the washing machine. He cupped Guillermo’s face in his hands and gazed down at him. “Oh Guillermo,” he whispered, the eyes behind his mask flicking from Guillermo’s eyes to his mouth and back again, “I know we just met tonight for the first time, but I already feel like I know you very well.”

“Um...yeah, same here,” Guillermo managed to say back, not sure where Nandor was going with this, but on board one hundred percent as long as it involved Nandor touching him so tenderly and looking at him with such smouldering intensity. 

“I feel like with you, I can risk saying and doing things that I would never risk doing with someone more... _familiar._ ” Nandor said, and all of a sudden, Guillermo understood. Nandor was using his laughable (if very hot) fake identity to have an excuse to hook up with him!

For a split second, Guillermo felt a little insulted at Nandor having to use a pretty lame ruse to allow himself to get physical with him, but then, he remembered a cardinal rule of vampire conduct. 

Vampires did not fuck their familiars. 

This rule was in place for many reasons. One of the main ones being that it exponentially increased the risk of wanting to _eat_ their familiars, and then one had a dead familiar on one’s hands and a job opening that needed to be filled. And finding a skilled new familiar wasn’t easy. 

Another compelling reason for vampires to keep their hands (and mouths and private parts) off of their familiars was that it caused a lot of awkward situations due to the massive power imbalance. Familiars mooned around after their vampire masters enough as it was. No vampire wanted to have to deal with constant text messages asking “what’re u doing right now?” or having to sit through endless talks about “where is this going?” or “what are we to you?” It was just a big drag. 

Guillermo understood this very well. It was one of the many reasons he couldn’t wait for Nandor to turn him into a vampire. So that the two of them could be on even ground and then (of course) start dating. But now, here was Nandor, looking down at him with naked lust in his eyes and what was swiftly becoming a very large and obvious erection bulging in the front of his bicycle shorts. An erection he was currently pressing against Gullermo’s belly in a delightfully distracting manner. 

Guillermo swallowed thickly, finding that his mouth had gone completely dry and that all the blood in his body had fled south, heading directly toward his now aching cock. “Um…” he said, voice quavering, feeling as if he might pass out if he became any more aroused. “What...um...what sorts of things would you want to say and do to me...Kahrashi The Lustful?” 

Nandor/Kahrashi leaned down until his mouth was centimeters from Guillermo’s and whispered his next words against Guillermo’s lips. 

“I would like very much to suck your cock.”

Guillermo let out a high pitched whine and his insides turned to mush as he contemplated what it might feel like to have Nandor’s mouth on his penis. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t wacked off to that very thought countless times alone in his room at night. “I’d...um...I’d like that master..I mean Kahrashi. I mean Kah-Kahrashi The Lustful,” he stammered nervously, distracted by the dark gleam of Nandor’s eyes, surrounded by purple sequins, peering at him through the mask. 

“Good, because I have been thinking about it for a long time,” Nandor paused here, and seemed to do some mental equations in his head. “A long time being ever since I first met you five minutes ago,” he amended, looking pleased with himself. 

“Ok sure. L-lets do that,” Guillermo could hardly believe his incredible luck. He had a brief worry that centered around Nandor’s very long and sharp incisors, but the fear of getting scraped accidentally was far outweighed by the promise of a blowjob from his dream man, so he hastily pushed the thought from his mind. 

Nandor closed the distance between them and kissed Guillermo, and at the same time, he pressed the large palm of his hand against the front of Guillermo’s velvet pants, affording his aching cock some very very appreciated friction. Guillermo made an embarrassing noise, somewhere halfway between a squeak and a hiccup. He kissed Nandor back eagerly, and heard Nandor make a low moan as their lips slid together and Nandor’s agile tongue made its way inside Guillermo’s now open mouth. 

Oh boy did it feel good to finally kiss Nandor. The tall vampire was a very good kisser, which made a lot of sense as he’d had the better part of a millennia to practice on probably lots and lots of people, while Guillermo had only kissed one person. He’d kissed his neighbor, Connie, clumsily, as part of a very awkward spin the bottle game when he was thirteen. This hadn’t quite prepared him for the skillfulness exhibited by his vampire master in the frenching department.

Nandor hummed happily as the kiss continued and he pressed his palm more firmly against Guillermo’s cock through his pants, and Guillermo struggled to stay upright and not simply keel over with all the pleasure he was feeling. Nandor broke the kiss and started to press his lips against Guillermo’s neck, above the collar of his frilly white shirt. After a few seconds though, he growled in frustration and pulled back. “Maybe not so much with the neck kissing at this time,” he mumbled, sounding breathless, and Guillermo had to nod in agreement. Perhaps, after they had sex, Nandor would feel inspired to turn Guillermo into a vampire? But right now, the prospect of a blow job was looming large in Guillermo’s lust fogged brain, and thinking about Nandor sucking anything other than his cock was getting put firmly on the back burner. 

Nandor dropped to his knees, which regrettably, due to the very large difference in their heights, put his mouth in line with Guillermo’s mid chest, and nowhere near the growing tent in Guillermo’s pants. Nandor seemed to think for a moment, then with a determined noise, he rose, and grabbing Guillermo under the arms, he effortlessly hoisted him up to sit on top of the dryer. Guillermo gasped at being so swiftly deposited on top of the domestic appliance, as if he were nothing more than a basket of laundry, but he got over his surprise quickly as Nandor sank back onto his knees and began undoing Guillermo’s trousers. This shift in position put Nandor’s face (and mouth) in line perfectly with Guillermo’s crotch, an observation that made Guillermo moan in anticipation.

Nandor swiftly opened Guillermo’s pants and reached inside, closing his large fist around Guillermo’s stiff cock and Guillermo couldn’t help but cry out softly at the sparks of pleasure he felt at being grabbed this way. Nandor gave Guillermo’s cock a few experimental tugs (which were accompanied by more cries from the object of his attentions) before he unceremoniously sank his mouth down onto it with a low groan. 

_Madre de dios!_ Guillermo had never in his life felt anything as exquisite as Nandor’s hot, wet mouth enveloping him from tip to base. Nandor made another very nice noise in the back of his throat and began bobbing his head up and down slowly on Guillermo’s cock. Guillermo gasped, put his hands behind him on the top of the dryer and tried without much success to lift his hips up and thrust further into Nandor’s slick mouth. The top of the dryer however was a little slippery and his butt was only half on it to start with, so he didn’t have a ton of leverage. He was left, writhing helplessly, teetering on the edge of his precarious seat, going mad with pleasure. 

Guillermo wasn’t exactly small in the penis department. The one boy he’d had the pleasure of engaging in a grope session with (in highschool under the bleachers after band practice), had complimented him on being very “thick,” but Nandor took him all the way down with ease. And if Guillermo thought that having close to a thousand years practice made Nandor a good _kisser_ , well then clearly Nandor had been giving blow jobs for just as many years because _hijole_ the vampire’s mouth was something else!

Nandor’s tongue caressed Guillermo’s slit briefly before swirling its way down his shaft, and he felt gentle fingertips stroking across the underside of his balls. He let out a yelp as a new surge of pleasure rushed through him and his hips jerked, almost dislodging him from his perch. Nandor however obligingly shoved him back a bit so he didn’t lose his seat. He already felt the warning tingles of an approaching orgasm, and he didn’t want to come so quickly. He wanted Nandor to blow him for an hour straight, but since that was highly unfeasible, what with Nandor’s skills in that department, Guillermo cautiously patted the back of Nandor’s bobbing head to get his attention.

“Muh-M-Mr. K-Kahrashi sir,” he stuttered, his voice a shaking, broken mess of a sound. “I...I’m going to come soon if you keep that up. I thought maybe I could... return the favor for a while so we can make this...um…l-last longer?”

Nandor paused in his sucking, then pulled off Guillermo with a wet pop. “I’d like that,” he said gruffly and got back to his feet. He stood there for a moment, staring down at Guillermo’s flushed face, lazily stroking his erection through the lycra material of his bike shorts and looking like some insanely sexy Playgirl marti gras photoshoot. Guillermo had to grab a hold of his own cock and squeeze for a moment so that the sight of Nandor’s hand stroking up and down on the thick bulge through his shorts didn’t make him come on the spot. 

Nandor reached inside the tight black waistband of his shorts and pulled out what was definitely the biggest and thickest and _prettiest_ cock Guillermo had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on (and Guillermo had done quite an extensive amount of research on porn sites, so he had a lot of examples to compare it to). It was probably seven inches long, and was as thick as broom handle. The uncircumcised head gleamed temptingly and Guillermo felt his mouth start to water just from looking at it. 

“Oh master,” he said, forgetting completely that he was supposed to call Nandor by his made up name. “Your cock is so beautiful. May I…?” He looked up at Nandor with an unspoken question in his eyes.

Nandor smiled and thrust his hips forward a little. “Enjoy yourself,” he said with a breathless smirk. Guillermo did not have to be told twice. He reached out and pulled Nandor a little closer by the hips and then bent his head and gave the tip of Nandor’s leaking cock a tentative lick. Nandor groaned and threw his head back, and encouraged by his reaction, Guillermo took the tip of that gorgeous cock into his mouth and swirled his tongue over it experimentally. Nandor made an even louder noise and his hands came up to thread themselves through Guillermo’s hair. 

“Yes...yes _Guillermo_ . That is so good. You feel _so good_ ,” he moaned. Guillermo sank his mouth down on Nandor’s cock as far as it would go, which, due to the fact that Nandor’s waist was basically in line with Guillermo’s knees where he still sat atop of the dryer, wasn’t all that far. But still, Guillermo found with a little determination, he could bend his head over enough to envelop a good third of Nandor’s cock. He further helped things along by bringing one of his hands up to assist him by stroking the shaft past where his lips could reach. Nandor tasted amazing, salty and a little sour from the precum that was steadily leaking from his slit, and his cock was surprisingly warm to the touch. The tall vampire was moaning quite loudly as Guillermo grew more and more sure of himself and worked the cock in his mouth with more skill and enthusiasm. 

“Yes, yes, suck my cock Guillermo...suck it so good. Your mouth...it’s….it’s better than I imagined,” Nandor was apparently a very verbal lover, for he kept up a stream of praise interspersed with curses in both English, and a language that probably died out several centuries ago, as Guillermo continued sucking him. Guillermo lost himself in what he was doing, letting the thick, velvety shaft of Nandor’s cock slide back and forth through his lips. He reached down between his legs as he sucked and began to stroke himself slowly at the same time, edging himself a bit to add to the extreme pleasure of the blowjob he was giving. 

Nandor was spilling out a constant stream of compliments and expletives at this point. “OhGuillermoyesyesyespleaseyessogoodsogood[dirtytalkinancientdeadlanguage]fuckfuckyes!” His hands in Guillermo’s hair tightened and from the way he had started thrusting up into Guillermo’s mouth a bit, Guillermo knew he was close to finishing. He knew he’d never be able to hold off coming while feeling Nandor shoot in his mouth, so he increased the pace of the strokes on his own cock and sucked Nandor as far down as he could get him. 

“Ahhhh! Ahhh! Fuck! Fuck!” Nandor yelled as his cock twitched and Guillermo tasted slick pulses of semen spill against his busy tongue. The noises Nandor was making and the taste and feel of his cock shooting in Guillermo’s mouth pushed him, rushing toward his climax. With just a couple more stiff jerks to his own cock he came, hard, with a sharp twist of pleasure that had him groaning against Nandor's hot, pulsing flesh. 

Eventually, Nandor pulled his slowly deflating penis from Guillermo’s bruised lips and stepped forward to wrap the smaller man in his arms. “Mmmmm" he hummed, and Guillermo could feel the vibrations of his voice where their chests were pressed together. “Oh Guillermo, that was… that was amazing,” he said, his voice all soft and caring. 

Guillermo was speechless, and to be honest, he was still reeling from his own explosive orgasm and couldn’t do much more than hang limply in Nandor’s arms. 

A sudden knock at the door made them both jump guiltily.

“Finish up in there!” A voice that was clearly Nadja’s hissed on the other side. “We need to find Guillermo and get out of here. This party is lame!”

“Yeah, come along now you big galoot!” yelled Laszlo “Finish draining whomever you’ve got in there with you and lets go home. My lady wife fancies a shag, and I mean to indulge her!”

Nandor pulled back and looked guiltily at Guillermo, who stared apprehensively back at him. 

“We have to go,” he said, sounding regretful in a way that Guillermo couldn’t help but find very flattering. 

Guillermo nodded and Nandor helped him down from the dryer and they both put themselves back into their pants awkwardly, not looking at each other. Their sexual spell had been broken and things were clearly back to normal. 

“Just give me a minute!” Nandor yelled to the two vampires waiting on the other side of the laundry room door. “I’ll find Guillermo and meet you back at the house!” He cast a sheepish glance in Guillermo’s direction, but Guillermo looked away, down at the floor, already feeling glum that this fantastic experience had likely been a one time thing. 

“Suit yourself! Just don’t come a-knocking if the coffin’s a-rocking!” Laszlo chuckled briefly at his own clever wordplay, then they could hear two sets of high heeled shoes (Nadja’s red pumps and Laszlo’s Napoleon boots) thunking away from the door and off down the hall. 

Nandor looked over at Guillermo and pushed the mask off his face and up onto his forehead. “Guillermo,” he began. 

“I know. I know,” Guillermo interrupted him, not sure he could handle romantic rejection at this point. “I won’t bring it up again. This can be a one time thing.” 

“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Nandor, also sounding a little glum, put a hand on Guillermo’s shoulder. “It’s not that it wasn’t very nice...it’s just that...it’s just...well...you know.”

“Yeah. I do,” Guillermo said, and, because there was not much else to say, he walked to the door and unlocked it. The two of them made their way through the throngs of drunk partiers and back out onto the street. 

“I’m going to fly home,” Nandor said. “Do you want a lift?”

Guillermo felt a spark of excitement at the offer. “Really master?” He asked, his mood improving significantly at the prospect of soaring through the air in the arms of his vampire crush. 

“Yes. Sure. It would be my pleasure,” Nandor replied with a sly grin. “Assume the position.” 

Guillermo, smiling happily, stepped up and put his back to Nandor and crossed his arms over his chest. He felt Nandor’s arms come around his waist, and felt him bend his knees in preparation for take off. And then, with a leap, they were airborne, and the lights of Staten Island spread out beneath them in the darkness like a glowing spider’s web. 

The flight was a brief one, and before too long, they touched down outside the vampire’s sprawling, old, victorian house. Nandor however did not release Guillermo right away. Instead, he used the arms around Guillermo’s waist to give him a squeeze, and kissed the top of his head before letting him go. They then made their way inside, where Nandor proceeded to order Guillermo about as usual, telling him to prepare his coffin for bedtime and to fetch him more candles and dust the paintings in his bedchamber, etc. etc. 

Guillermo sighed and returned to work, but with a new bounce in his step. Now, no matter how much Nandor bossed Guillermo around and pretended to barely tolerate him, Guillermo knew the truth. That deep down, Nandor was soft on him… He happily went to find the feather duster, humming the tune to Baby Got Back as he climbed the stairs to Nandor’s room.


End file.
